That’s a sentence I bet you never thought you’d read, right? Disabled people, no matter what their disability is, will generally have a lower confidence level. It can take them a long time to dip into the dating game and start looking for someone they can spend their life with, and for the most part, they will struggle to find singles that they have something in common with that can deal with the limitations that the disability may mean for your relationship.
Well, if ‘they’ are anything like me that’s the case. I wasn’t born with my disability. It was something that just happened to me and it took me a long time to get my head around it. It certainly wasn’t something that came easy at first…
The thing that you need to remember is that disabled dating could actually work in your favour… Don’t believe us? Let’s find out more!
If you’ve come to terms with your disability, you’ll put others that have questions about it at ease. You’ll be able to answer their questions and make them feel comfortable. You’ll be more used to awkward and difficult conversations than others may be too. Think about it – you’re already one step ahead in the game!
You show vulnerability, which can especially work in the favour of men. It shows that you know how to ask and accept for help. It shows that you have a vulnerable side. Women and men love to nurture and care for a vulnerable person… Just saying!
It makes you more interesting. You stand out from the crowd. People will notice you. People will be more inclined to talk to you. Why not use that to your advantage? I’ve learned to. You can too.
The thing you need to remember is that when you have confidence in the world of disabled dating, it shows. It shows in the way as with the dating singles on the “regular” dating sites too. It doesn’t matter what your disability is. You could have lost both legs and still enter the room and be the most confident person there. Just take a look at other disabled people you see around you and watch how they handle various social situations. You’ll soon see what I’m saying.
In a world that is packed with people, standing out from the crowd isn’t such a bad thing. Having a disability shouldn’t be a negative impact on your life. At first it might be; don’t get me wrong, being disabled is something that takes some getting used to, but once you’ve learned how to use it to enhance your life, or enable you to do something in a slightly different way, you’ll be a much happier and more positive person. How can you expect someone to help you with something if you don’t know what kind of help that you need? In the same breath, how can you expect someone to know how to deal with something that you yourself haven’t yet learned how to deal with?
Your first start to dating should probably be a site designed for dating for special needs or the disabled. First of all, you have nothing to lose, and secondly, you may make great friends. It’s always good to have a support network around you and you never know, you might even learn something.
Dating when you have a disability, regardless of what that disability may be, can seem like the last thing on your to-do list. Let’s face it; your love life hasn’t been ‘all that’ up until this point… You’ve basically given up hope, right? You’ve tried everything… You can’t find love.
Have you even tried internet dating?
Internet dating has made the dating world easier for everyone but for disabled people, it has given them something of a lifeline. For those that have a disability that leave them housebound, online dating can be the only thing you’ll need to meet someone new and exciting. The times are changing and it would appear you should be too! Who knows who you might meet as you ‘creep’ through the bucket-loads of hunky and handsome men, or blonde and busty women.
Disabled dating websites specifically created to help people like you and me find love are a great way to start if you don’t feel ready to join the big pond of “regular” dating sites. You’ll all have something in common on these websites too, so you’ll always have something to talk about. You never know, it might even help you to find new and improved ways of dealing with your disability. Everyone on the site is in the same boat.
Of course, you can’t join online dating websites of any kind, disabled sites for dating or otherwise, without first reading up on internet safety. There are scam artists out there, for example, that are coming up with new and improved ways to screw you out of your hard earned money. The key to being safe and avoiding these scammers is to be wise – be smart.
If they are asking too many questions, especially relating to money, report them or just block them. Why would they be more interested in that anyway? You should always remember never to get too much of your personal information out to potential scam artists too. Even something as small and insignificant as your full name, address and birthday is enough for someone to get into your personal stuff.
That’s the kind of data protection questions you would be asked in a mobile phone shop, for example, when trying to get into your account details. The moral of the story – don’t give your personal data away. If the questions you’re being asked are too sensitive, report them. If you’re not comfortable with the way the conversation is heading, stop it in its tracks.
You shouldn’t think that everyone is out there to con you though. It is easy to get carried away with all of the bad information you come across, especially on the internet. Most of the people that you meet, especially on the dating for disabled websites, are in exactly the same boat as you – just as nervous and twice as awkward. Why not make the first jump and break the ice? You never know quite who you might meet, and that one person you were just about to disregard might just be the one person you end up with.
There are loads of disabled singles web sites. One of the best is disableddatingclub.com It has been going for years, since 2003 from what I recall and it was one of the first specialist disability dating web sites.
If you are sick of not dating simply because you are disabled, its time to change the way your mind thinks about things. Just because you are disabled in some way doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t enjoy all the delights that dating has to offer. From frivolous and flirty nights out to long and meaningful relationships, you can have successful disabled relationships. You just need a bit of a helping hand form time to time.
If you’re disabled and considering dipping your feet into the dating world for the first time, you need to have the right mindset for it. You should head into the adventure with an open mind and always be upfront about your disability from the start. For example, if you are in a wheelchair most of the time, there is nothing wrong with having your profile picture as you in your wheelchair. That’s a good representation of you, and if often gets that awkward bit out the way from the very beginning. We all know how awkward those first dates have been – “Oh… you’re disabled?”
You should accept yourself and your disability before you expect other people to accept it and you. You are disabled. Don’t hide it. Don’t run from it. Own it. If you are confident and happy, it doesn’t matter what your disability is, people will love you for who you are. You’ll soon see. I found happiness. I’m disabled. If I can do it, and I was the unluckiest in love person EVER, you can. That’s all I’m saying.
At the same time, don’t expect your disability to be the focus of every conversation. Not everyone is as worried as you are about the fact that you are in a wheelchair or have some sort of disability. Believe it or not, there are even disabled dating sites for you to make use of so that you can find people with the same mind frame that you have. You need to be able to understand that people aren’t interested in you because of your limitations… they are interested in you for you.
Humour, as we have mentioned before, is a great ice breaker, so if you can have a “sense of humour” you will find that life is a lot easier for you. Learn to have a laugh and not take life too seriously and people will be charmed by your wit and SOH. Laughing is often a way to make people feel more comfortable and learning to use this in the right way will definitely help you out in the long run.
If you’re having a bad day, don’t sign on to the dating site. Make yourself a cup of tea, have a bath and enjoy some relaxation time first. If you are in a bad mood, it will be portrayed to the people you are talking to, and you should always try to stay positive. If you are having a bad day and are in a bad mood, your potential new love interests will be on the end of it. You’ll be pushing people away before you’ve even started to lure them in. What’s the point in that?
At the end of the day, disabled dating is what you make of it. If you go into the adventure with a negative attitude, believing that people won’t be interest because you have a disability of some sorts, you are going to get that sort of negative attention. Go out there and put your own positive spin on things and life will much happier for you!
The first and original disabled dating club is DisabledDatingClub.com. Since then they have have set up specialist versions in UK, USA and recently Australia and Europe.
Online dating has proven itself to be one of the easiest ways to meet new people. You’ll meet some good people and some total nutters but along the way, you will meet people that you wouldn’t normally have had the opportunity to meet. It certainly opens the dating horizon when you think about it, doesn’t it?
The problem with online dating, especially for amputee singles, is that it is often easy to become someone you are not. It’s hard to tell a lot about someone from a dating site profile alone and when it comes to bringing up a disability, it’s hard to know whether or not you should state your disability right there at the very beginning. Do you want to just blurt it out like that? Are you brave enough to just blurt it out like that?
If you have a very obvious disability, there’s nothing wrong with showing it in your profile picture, or in one of the other picture that you can normally upload too. For example, if you usually use a wheelchair or are an amputee, your profile picture could be one of you in that wheelchair or one which shows that you are an amputee. It gets things out the way early on, and if they aren’t interested, you won’t ever need to know about because you never had that conversation. Chances are, if you are using an amputee dating website, the people there know that the members are amputees in some way so that kinda makes things even easier still, doesn’t it?
At the same time, try not to be overly sexy in your pictures. Men and women tend not to take members seriously when they have a overly-naughty profile picture. It just looks like you’re not looking for something serious, you know? And dare I say it… easy?
If you don’t have an obvious disability, try to pop it in the profile description of yourself somewhere. Normally you will find an ‘About Me’ box on the profile page and this gives you the perfect opportunity to say whatever it is that you gotta say. If you are looking for deaf dating web sites, for example, you could state that you are deaf. If you are blind, you could mention that. If you need a wheelchair or stick to get around, drop it in. It’s just as important for people to accept your disability as it is for them to read whatever it is you’re looking for in your new love interest!
You don’t need to make a big deal about it. In fact, I would suggest making it a fleeting sentence, but at least have it mentioned somewhere. If you are on a “regular” dating site rather then one of the many dating sites for the disabled that now exist, it might not be clear right away that you have a disability, and it could make for awkward conversation later on, or on the first meeting.
Getting the whole disability chat out of the way right from the beginning is an idea that you’ll probably want to put into practice sooner rather than later. Not everyone is as open minded as you would want them to be, but at the same time, some people are a lot nicer than they first may appear. We’re not saying that disabled dating will be easy, but it definitely is worth it when you find someone decent, right?
At the end of the day, the motto here is to not give up. If you don’t have any luck on the particular dating site you are on, change dating sites. It might even be worth your while to check out sites specifically created to make dating for the disabled a lot easier. You never know until you give it a shot, right?
Right guys and girls, it’s time to have a chat. It’s time to talk about the world of disabled dating. It’s time to talk about that thing that you’ve been putting off. Speaking of which, why exactly are you putting it off…?
What is it that you are afraid of when it comes to disabled dating? Is it the fact that you think people might laugh at you? Is it the fact that they might stand you up? Is it the fact that you don’t really want to get rejected?
Guess what ladies and gentlemen – everyone has those fears. It’s just not disabled singles that get rejected; it’s non-disabled singles that get rejected too. I am disabled. My partner is not. He has been rejected more times than I have. I’ve slept with more people than he has. He’s had more long term relationships than I have. There’s no difference in our love or sex lives. We’ve both had our hearts broken, we’ve both broken a few hearts, and we’ve definitely had our fair share of ups and downs. How does that make disabled dating any different from ‘regular’ dating?
When I was single, I HATED dating. I especially hated internet dating. Do you know how hard it is to say to someone “Hi, I’m disabled!” when you are still coming to terms with that very fact yourself? My disability was something that happened out of nowhere. I wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t grow up with it. I’ve had to evolve around it. I needed to adapt to that myself before I expected anyone else to learn to adapt for me. How can do you expect to tell them how they need to evolve to work with your life when you aren’t really sure yourself? It takes a while, I won’t lie to you, but it does happen – life does get easier, you will get your confidence back again… if you’re willing to work, of course.
Once you get your head around the fact that your disability is something that you need to learn to live with, and also that it will cause you to have certain limitations in your relationship, life will be a lot easier. It’s not a bad thing. Disability isn’t a bad thing. It’s just something you will need to work around.
At the same time though, you’ll go through a whole host of dating and relationship dramas. You’ll meet people that will look at you funny, or will turn around and leave as soon as they see that you are disabled in some way. It’s ok though because all you need to remember is that able-bodied have all of those dramas too. Before I was disabled, a man stood me up on a date because he got to the door and saw I was a blonde. He didn’t date blondes. I can understand someone walking away because of my disability because it’s nothing something that generally occurs everyday. I was mortified that I had been stood up all those years ago just because of the colour of my hair.
It’s even worse when you don’t have a physical disability, and explaining it becomes both embarrassing and awkwardly necessary. This is something you need to cope with. That’s the harsh reality of it all – disabled dating is easy once you’ve learn how to be one of the disabled singles. Check out this great disabled web site! They have thousands of members all over Europe! Not sure where you are dear reader, as you read this.
There are a few things that will make the process easier, especially if you are online dating. For example, mentioning the disability in your profile somewhere is a great idea. It’s a part of you after all… why wouldn’t you mention it?
People will accept you but only once you have accepted yourself. You probably will get rejected. So will every single one of your non-disabled friends. You probably will get laughed at. You will get stared at. People will stand you up.
What makes you so special? Sadly, that happens to most of us.
Unless you’re Leonardo di Caprio or Rihanna… I bet they’ve not been stood up ever in their lives.
Right guys and girls, let’s get down to business. Let’s talk about it – let’s talk about wheelchair dating.
It’s a very serious topic and one that should be taken seriously. People often use a sense of humour to get them out of a difficult situation such as those faced by disabled singles. People arrange blind dates and conveniently ‘forget’ to mention the fact that you are in a wheelchair, for example, and your date walks in and stops dead in their track when they see the metal chair that you just happen to be seated in. Awkward isn’t the right word for it… Embarrassing? Mortifying? Gut-wrenching? We’ve all been there – what word do you think fits best?
Use Your Sense Of Humour!
The sense of humour that you use to get yourself out of these difficult situations is going to be the one that you can use in your favour, especially with the clever and crazy world that is online or internet dating. You can find any kind of person that you want to now – you can meet people form all over the world; people that you would never have had the chance to bump into. The internet makes everyone much more accessible. This makes life easier for everyone but for disabled singles, things get even better still.
Get it out the way!
Wheelchair dating sites, such as WheelchairDatingClub.com can help get the awkward ‘Hi, I’m disabled!’ bit out of the way nice and early. Let’s face it, if you don’t know that you are going to be finding disabled singles on disabled dating sites you probably have some sort of disability yourself… right?
Don’t be afraid to experiment!
You don’t even need to stick with specific wheelchair dating sites either. Most ‘regular’ able-bodies dating sites now have a specific drop down section where you can state you have a disability if it applies to you. This can often make life a lot easier. For example, you won’t have to go through the whole awkward conversation as they will have already seen that you are disabled… if they have even read your profile at all. If they haven’t, they probably aren’t worth it anyway. Who wouldn’t read the profile page first?
Don’t be ashamed!
If you have a visible disability, such as living life in a wheelchair, this is something easily conveyed in your profile picture should you want to get it right there and out in the open. People can see that you are disabled. If that’s a deal-breaker for them, they just don’t message you. It’s as simple as that. It’s not rejection, as such, because you won’t ever need do know about it. Doesn’t that make life a little easier? If only all rejection could be as swift and as painless…
Accept it could be a deal-breaker…
The fact of the matter is this – disability WILL be a deal-breaker for some people. In much the same way as some guys don’t like brunettes, or some girls don’t like short men, some people don’t want or like to date disabled singles. That doesn’t make them a bad person, it just makes it a personal preference. It’s not a personal attack on you and the sooner you get that out of your head, the better!
It doesn’t matter whether you’re one of the disabled singles out there, or if you are someone about to go on a first date with a disabled single you met online, there are a few rules that you should probably follow. Let’s face it, dating a disabled person is probably not something you try on a regular basis!
It is common for things to go wrong in certain social situations, no matter how prepared you think you are. Even if you are both disabled and can sympathise with each other over your respectful conditions, things can still go horribly wrong… Something I personally have seen a hundred and one times before!
Rather than give you a long list of things that people tend to do wrong in relationships with disabled people, I have decided to tell you what you SHOULD be doing instead. Smart, right?
What ‘term’ do you use?
Some people call it their disability, other disabled singles call it their mobility impairment. For some it might be an illness or chronic condition. First and foremost, before anything else, ask that question – “What do you like to call it?”
You should probably be aware that it is going to come up in conversation. It is going to put certain limitations on your relationship. There are certain things that you are going to need to talk about it. Just get it out the way. Chances are, they’ll love you for being so upfront about it.
Don’t ever call “normal” people “normal”.
Who knows what “normal” is anyway. Most disabled people hate the term “normal”. And “healthy”… That’s another one that grates on us. We’re not abnormal. Nor are we unhealthy. Unlucky yes, but the other words… No!
You can use the term “able-bodied” if you like?
If disability is a deal-breaker, it’s a deal-breaker. If I smoked and you hated smokers, I would expect to get rejected. If you know full well that you couldn’t handle the disability that your potential partner is presenting to you, don’t go on the first date. Don’t ‘give it a try’ if you’re not really sure. It would be much better to reject us upfront than to string us along for a bit and then reject us. Just get it out the way. You know?
Of course, there are a couple of extra etiquette tips that it is worth taking into account too:
*If they are in a wheelchair, don’t stand above them and look down at them all the time. Find a chair and sit your butt down! Be on the same level as them. Otherwise you just look a bit rude, and occasionally intimidating. Don’t be that person.
*Make eye contact. Don’t be afraid to look. If they aren’t embarrassed by their illness or condition, why should you?
*Remember that the tools for a disability are part of the disabled daters personal space. If it’s a wheelchair, don’t interfere with it or try to get into the personal space it encompasses. If they use a stick, don’t hide it because you think it will be funny. Behave yourself. You’re meant to be an adult.
*Don’t be afraid to ask questions. If you want to know how they make it up the stairs, ask them how they make it up the stairs. You’d be surprised at how many people are too afraid to ask these things.
*Think about the actual dates before you book them. What’s the point in going somewhere completely inaccessible for a wheelchair with your wheelchair-bound date there? Be serious and be sensible. Just think about it for a moment!
Of course, above all else you should try to have fun. That’s what disabled dating is meant to be, isn’t it? Fun? Looking for an amazing disabled dating web site in Australia, I recommend disableddatingclub.com.au – check it out!
Sadly, disabled and dating are two words that you rarely see together. This is pretty depressing when you consider exactly how many disabled people there are in the world. For the most part, the concerns over jumping into the world of disabled dating for newly disabled people are too great to even consider it. Sometimes this is a good thing as it means that you are taking the time to come to terms with your own disability. On the other hand, why are you really putting it off?
How do you handle it?
A lot of how people handle your disability will be down to how you handle your disability. Who would you rather talk to – the person that was upbeat about what had gone wrong in their life and didn’t let it bother them, or the guy wallowing in self pity not talking to people because he can’t get to grips with what has happened to him? Think about it – who would you rather be? Who do you think people would rather talk to?
How’s your self-esteem looking?
If your self-esteem is too low to join a disabled dating site, or to even think about dating, you’ll need to work on that first. Perhaps you should join some sort of support group to meet other people that are in the same boat as you? This is the best way to learn new tricks and tips on how to deal with your disability and the more sociable you are, the higher the chance of meeting someone that you click with. How can you expect to meet ‘the one’ when you can’t find the energy to get off the couch? The internet can only help you so far…
If you believe yourself to be inferior to other people, other people will see you as just that. If you believe yourself to be an equal to other people, once again, they will see you as just that. If only you knew how much of a difference your own opinion of yourself would make to other people’s first impressions of you. How different do you think you would act?
How do you deal with rejection?
Being rejected is the biggest concern for so many people, especially those looking at disability dating for the first time. The problem with this train of thought is that EVERYONE feels like that. Even able-bodied people get rejected! Don’t automatically think that the really hot able-bodied person you are talking to will reject you once they find out you are disabled. The very best people out there won’t care, and it’s these very best people that you should be aiming for. What’s the point in settling for anything less than awesome?
Making the first move is impossible when don’t feel great about yourself so one tip you should bear in mind is that people won’t be able to message you if you aren’t on the dating website. You might not be able to make the first move but that doesn’t mean that other people won’t make the first move for you. Whether its disabled dating sites or not, you won’t get anywhere until you make that first move. The perfect person out there for you could be on that very website right now. You won’t know until you try, so what the hell are you waiting for?
Let’s be honest about this – deaf dating is going to come with its challenges. The challenges will be unique and unlike anything you’ve probably ever encountered before. At the same time, you could have the perfect relationship right at your very fingertips if you give it a shot. Sometimes those unique challenges are the very thing that makes the relationship…
One of the biggest problems with deaf dating is communication, as you can probably imagine. If you’re looking at embarking into a deaf relationship, whether you yourself are deaf or able-bodied, you’ll need to find a way to communicate. The internet has definitely made life a lot easier. Someone I know managed to teach her partner to learn the basics of sign language in around six weeks with the help of the internet. If you’re dedicated to the cause, you’ll find a way around your troubles and stresses. If you want it enough, you’ll find a way to make it work. It’s all about making your own rules – find out what works for the both of you and add your personal twist!
For a while it might mean using your phone to send text messages to each other, or using a pen and a piece of paper to say what you want to say. It’ll get annoying, we can’t say that it won’t, but eventually you’ll learn sign language and they will learn to lipread properly, and eventually, with a bit of patience and dedication, you’ll make it work.
Not only will you need to find a way to accept you there will be limitations to what can happen within your relationship, you’ll need to find a way to deal with other people and their opinions and views on it. There will be questions. Some of them might be difficult to answer. Find a sense of humour about it and life will be a lot easier for you. Anyway, a sense of humour makes things fun and if all else fails, laughing is the best medicine! 😉
Sometimes knowing what you want as a deaf dating single can be hard work. Many deaf people use disabled dating sites to only find deaf singles because that makes life easier for them. Long term deaf people may have English problems so writing things down on a pad may not always work, for example, and this is what they don’t have the patience for with an able-bodied person.
On the other side of the coin, some deaf singles only want to date hearing partners. It’s a specific thing – personal to each and every individual person. Sometimes you’ll need to try a bit of everything before you find out that one thing that works well for you. Don’t be afraid to try something new. If you’ve only ever dated hearing people, try joining a disabled dating site to find yourself a new deaf partner? You’ll never know if you don’t give it a shot and technically, you don’t have anything to lose.
Above all else, if you’re really serious about it, it doesn’t matter what side of the coin you are, you’ll find a way to make it work for you. Looking at forums online for deaf and disabled dating is a good idea to read success and horror stories from other people in the same position. Why not have a read and see what new things you can learn?
Summary: Are you currently in the process of wooing someone that is less able-bodied than yourself? There are a couple of things you should probably be aware of before you embark on this new relationship. Check out this three smart tips!
If you are currently thinking about dating a disabled partner, there are a couple of things that you will need to know. Without a shadow of a doubt, dating and disability are two things that are guaranteed to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, and as much as there are a lot of things that you can still do together, there are certain limitations that you may find as a couple…
Don’t Be Naive
If you think you can sail through the relationship with your partner without anything needing to change away from the ‘norm’ you are very much mistaken. There are going to be limitations and these are things that you should be aware of, and take on board, right from the very beginning. You will need to be realistic about the relationship that you see embarking before you. You shouldn’t be afraid to bring it up and talk about it – chances are your partner already is aware of the challenges that the two of you may face as a couple.
Talk About It!
The more you ignore it, the more it will become the ‘elephant in the room’ as they say. You shouldn’t be afraid to ask questions, and be questionable about the disability. There is nothing wrong with asking these questions. They are a disabled person and they have probably heard these questions a thousand times before. They are expecting these questions. In fact, it might even be weird if you didn’t ask the questions…
Don’t be afraid to step a little out of your comfort zone and TALK ABOUT the relationship that you are thinking of having. Ask the silly questions that you think will be laughed at. There is a good chance that they are assuming you are thinking just that anyway…
Disabled Dating Doesn’t Mean No Dating!
Just because various parts of the body doesn’t work, doesn’t mean that other’s don’t. The heart still works, as do the loins, and you shouldn’t disregard a person that is asking you out on a date just because they happen to be disabled. Yes there is a good chance that it will take some getting used to, but aren’t all love stories just a series of challenges?
You are going to face physical challenges and at times, there may even be mental and emotional challenges that you’ll need to overcome too. There’s nothing wring with asking the questions before you decide to take the relationship further… If they aren’t ready to answer your questions about their disability, they probably aren’t ready to date yet.
It often helps to have a sense of humour about things so if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, don’t be afraid to use a little light humour to get yourself out of it. Once again, there’s a good chance your partner will really appreciate the icebreaker, as well as the fact that you will have eased a little bit of tension! Dating the disabled is really quite easy when you know how!